A Personal Story of Redemption
I’m Teri Carter, and I want to share my Good News with you!
Many of you might know me, but if you don’t, I’m 33 years old, and the younger daughter of Jerry and Susie Kruse. I have had a lot of challenges in my life, but the largest one has been my mental illness. I’ve suffered from bipolar disorder since the age of 10. Part of what happens with bipolar disorder is that it distorts your reality and perceptions of your life experience. I had a relatively normal childhood, wonderful parents that love me tremendously, and caring, supporting siblings. I was raised in church, and heard that God was a good and loving father who had a plan for me from before the world began. He was perfect and made no mistakes…
Until He made me.
Or at least, that’s what I thought. You see, all I understood about who I was, was broken and disappointing. I couldn’t be good enough, I couldn’t be a good enough Christian for God to make me normal, I couldn’t will myself to stop being irrational, I couldn’t stop being crazy. I wouldn’t find out for many years (until I was 23!) that there was actually a physical difference in my brain.
I was so confused by my own thoughts and behaviors that when I was 11, I tried to end my life for the first time – but I failed. Instead of trying to find help, I quietly lived with my failure and thought that if anyone knew what I had tried to do, they would be disappointed that I couldn’t even do THAT right! What a lie it was!! But I believed it to the very core of my being.
I tried several times to hurt myself for the next 12 years, but each attempt was either cut short, or failed. 10 years ago last month, I ended up in the hospital because I cut my wrist- not because I was injured, but to assess and treat my illness. You see, I believe with every fiber of my being that Jesus saved my life. Whether that was through an angel or the hand of God himself, I’m not sure, but I’m so thankful He did!
These last 10 years have brought a lot of hard things, but also a lot of healing. I’ve finally come to understand that God didn’t make a mistake when He made me. He didn’t drop me down the chute from heaven into this life before He was finished with my design. I believe I was made the way I am, and saved from death many times, so that I could become a mirror of God’s glory. What a victory He has to claim over my life!! He has taken me from that broken child wishing for death, to a place where I know who I am in Christ, and even called into some form of ministry.
I write this to offer hope. Maybe you are suffering, maybe you have a family member that is struggling. I know without the prayer of the people who loved me, I would be dead. But through love, prayer, and medicine, God has brought me healing. Whatever form of suffering you’re enduring, He can do the same for you. Reach out to your community, there is hope, there is help…and there is peace.
This is my Good News, what’s yours?